I was walking to work this morning and was writing thoughts in my head as I usually do. I suppose I was also just “thinking” some of them, but the good ones get re-thought and ultimately “written”… 😉 I write them as though someone is listening, but of course deep down I know I’ll never actually post them anywhere and no one will see them. On the other hand, I have this feeling that everything we’re thinking is being processed somewhere. Call it big data. Call it telepathy. Call it God. Whatever it is, I like to think a lot of my thoughts are received by someone somewhere. And there have been enough instances in life to prove that to me that I don’t question it much anymore. So I just keep thinking and keep writing and keep throwing all the thoughts out into the universe, also known as my head.
Today I came into work and wanted to do more than keep it all in my head. I felt the urge to really get it out. I went on Twitter and decided it would be a new day for me, a day when I would begin to SHARE. Right as I was about to share smtg fairly silly but meaningful to me in the moment, I felt that usual feeling that takes over and the thoughts began to roll in as they always do… “Are you ready to really start sharing? Are you really ready to be open? Today you’re having a positive thought, you’re feeling happy, will you also share those moments when you feel awful, like the moment you had yesterday (more on that later)?” I realized the short answer was no. Then I told myself in my very techie CEO way: “You should know better. Twitter is not the forum for this kind of sharing. Facebook is.” Close that window. Open a new tab (I realize I could have just used the same tab but I needed cleansing). Launch FB. Accept friend request. Comment to friend that it was great to see her this wkend? No, do not digress. Stay focused. Any second you’ll start thinking of work, someone will walk into the office, and you’ll drop all this. Every moment is precious. Stay FOCUSED. But what about all the “colleagues” I have on FB? Was I ready to open up to them? Sure, the love from friends will be great and me sharing more might makes those “friendships” grow, but what about all the other lurkers? I need something anonymous. A place where I can be free to express the good and the bad, and perhaps more importantly for this perfectionist, a place where I can make mistakes. What kind of mistakes you might ask? Stupid ones. Typos. Bad sentence structure. Rambling. Saying uninteresting things. Just letting it ALL out unfiltered. Last time I did this? Funny you might ask…
There’s only one other time in my life that I recall really letting go of my perfectionist nature. My friends L and C were in town. Love when they visit. We went with N (my significant other; i know pretty lucky I have one 🙂 to a ceramics place. Those are always so much fun. It was BYOB so naturally we brought a bottle of champagne/prosecco/bubbles. And I’m pretty sure we said hi to George before. (George is my really good friend. He was named after George Washington. He’s green…). We were going to make a mosaic. Everyone first had to pick out their wooden piece. I chose a trivet. Why? Well it was the easiest surface I cld choose, a plain square, but it had functionality. You’ll come to notice I love creative things but especially if they can be functional. L and C chose picture frames and N a clock. Both too complicated for where I was at that night. We then picked out our pieces. And everyone started the plotting. Matching colors for their designs, matching texture, matching types of glass/material, deciding on who they might give it to, what design they shld make, etc. For the first time in my life, i decided i wasn’t going to think. I was just going to start gluing. I may have had one second of hesitation but it was basically inaudible and I dived right in. I kept gluing until we were out of time. L&C finished their frames the next morning. N took another year to finish her rainbow. And mine was done on the spot. It sits on our dining table and everytime someone sees it they love it as much as if I had stressed and plotted the design if not more. I’ll take a picture so you can see it. Because lezie be honest, pictures speak a thousand words.
Okay I’m getting tired of writing. So prob time to quit. I chose that domain by the way because i tried a lot of other words and they were all taken and i was getting tired of having to make this other decision (i tried “makeanotherdecision.wordpress.com” but it seemed long).
What happened this morning that prompted all this? SUPER silly thought. I got starbucks. i rarely do but the bus had passed. i ordered a ham and cheese turnover. didnt know they had those. (btw i stopped capitalizing the first word and it feels good; all part of letting go ;). they were out of ham and cheese and the barista offered me a spinach one. i asked if it had cheese? she hesitated but the guy next to her said it did so spinach it was. i later looked at the sign in the window and it didn’t say cheese. i think starbucks knows better than to not say it has cheese if it does. so i probably wldnt get my morning fix of cheese (i’m addicted…. no, like really) but hopefully id survive. I went to pay and she winked at me and said she didn’t charge me the $4 for the turnover, just for my black iced tea with one pump of raspberry light ice. I smiled and thanked her. When was the last time a barista a starbucks (let’s be honest, her “power” is prob limited) decided to not charge someone? I got on the bus, my card was out of money, i sat down, feeling stressed (as i had been all morning) by what I was going to do with my/our company. No one can afford it. We designed an awesome product that no one is willing to pay for. Silly us. Oh and what was I thinking designing products for kids? I can’t even tell if I’m addressing them or the person who paid for it! Even though we ask for the kids name on orders, not everyone puts it. Annnnyway, then i saw someone holding a starbucks coffee and thought: but wait, i bet no one thought starbucks was a VC-worthy-unicorn-making business! and yet look at howard changing the world and sitting on a pile of cash. it gave me hope. Just because no one else sees it, we can get there. we can build a cool brand. we can desing an expensive product that people end up paying for. but wait, why are people paying so much for starbucks? when it became popular, we all made fun of how expensive it is and no one thought it wld really “stick” and yet it has. why? i remember the case from undergrad. it was all because of the “experience”. people needed coffee shops to sit at, ponder life, “work”, stare at other people. so all we had to do is figure out how to deliver an “experience” worth paying for.
ok there were a gazillion other thoughts but i’ll spare you for today. i’m wayyyy over the 500 word limit recommended for blog posts. the good thing is we dont give a shit because no one will ever read these. :))) AMAZING FEELING! Except that “person” who gets all my thoughts ;)))) Hi teta 🙂
Ok off to work. Eeeeek….